Open Your Eyes

I have a really high tolerance for people and their crap.  I constantly put up with way more than I should from people & I typically let people walk all over me.  Like my ex I let him walk all over me all the time.  Our relationship was a really bad one it was emotionally and physically abusive and I am just glad that I found the courage to walk away from all of that before anyone was seriously hurt. 

Having been through this I now understand why domestic violence is such a hard thing for people to come to terms with.  No one wants to say anything about it because they are afraid no one will believe them.  Which is exactly what happens.  Been there done that & that is why their fathers side of the family have shunned my kids.  Its like because they can not open their eyes enough to realize the hell he has put me through they just insist that I am a liar.  They all know that he has a huge anger problem too, but it is inconceivable that he would EVER hit me in their eyes.  The police have recordings of the phone conversations we had they have pictures of the bruises and cuts all over my body, but they really really believe that I "beat myself up"!?  Talk about in denial!  Why the hell would I have any motive to beat myself up on a weekly basis!?  They always fall back to then why did you keep going back to him.  Honestly I really don't know why I did I just felt like I needed him to be whole and I couldn't live without him.  After talking with some women at the women's shelter they have here I learned that it is not uncommon for women to go back to their abusers.  It is called battered women's syndrome, and it happens in most domestic violence cases.  Hence the reason why the judge refused to remove the no contact order.

I feel really bad for my kids because I was only trying to protect them but in doing, so now they only have my side of the family.  Regardless of if they think that I am lieing or not how could they take it out on the kids.  Is it really like they asked to have a messed up family life...no they didn't.  It just really pisses me off that she can acknowledge 2 of her grand kids but leaves mine out as well as her oldest grandson.  But what else can I do I have put my efforts in for her to be there and be a Grandmother to my kids but she refuses.  I guess it just comes down to the fact that I can't force her to love her grand kids.  At least when they are older I can tell them and show them how I tried, but how she kept denying them love and acceptance.  If I were this person I would feel so ashamed of myself.  There are people out there who would give anything to have grand kids, and here you are with them and you just turn them away.  That is sickening and it really makes my heart break for those two.

I do wonder how their fathers mother can even live with herself, but I guess if you are a heartless b***c then things that affect normal people wouldn't affect you.  I just do not get how she can do this to her own flesh and blood.  She claims that they are all so family oriented because they had a daughter die of cancer however many years ago.  I am sorry but if you lost a family member wouldn't you cling to those family members that you have that are alive and cherish being with them instead of making up excuses EVERY time you are offered a visit with them or to baby sit them?  I think she plays that out way too far though and uses it as a crutch in situations where she has no other excuse.  She blames the most ridiculous things on it.  She butts into mine and her sons arguments and ends by saying you know I had a daughter that died, and I don't need this stress in my life.  Congrats sweety pie don't get involved in my argument then and maybe you wouldn't cause yourself to be stressed out.  Just a thought!